yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
