After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
