Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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