I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
