The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
