i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
