we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
