Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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