How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
