i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
as a side note pls kill me
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
