; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
