marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I think I died a long time ago.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Randomize
