shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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