Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
