I'm lost and stupid without you.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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