that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
she peed on how many people?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
