I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Come share oat with me in your robe
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
