My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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