I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
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Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
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THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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