One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I need to calm my uterus...
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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