Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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