then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
