i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
