when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
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Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
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You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.