So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight