ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.