I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.