I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
