just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
These tits shall not be calmed
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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