i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
