I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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