Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Randomize
