Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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