You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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