True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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