Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
