Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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