just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
