Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
