in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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