She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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