I'm jealous of your bromance
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
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you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
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Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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