You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
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Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
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So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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