I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
