I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize