the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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