wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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