cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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