Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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