saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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