I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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