I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
