I am in a vortex of obligation.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
