I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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