so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
