Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
