We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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