So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was CRYING into my vagina
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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