you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
