Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
