i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I licked your asshole in confidence.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
