the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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