I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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