You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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